I was waiting for some inspiration or similar to formulate this into a particular thought, with a purpose and maybe even a point, but have now decided that will be a long time coming, so I’m going to post it anyway.

Why is it that doing the right thing by yourself is so hard at the same time? Why is it, when the sensible, logical part of your brain knows that you’re doing the right thing, theres that other bit, saying ‘why? can’t I just stay as I am?’ Would it not be a lot easier if the best thing to do were the easiest? Or, even better, if we didn’t get ourselves into these situations in the first place. If things just worked themselves out, and happened the way you expected, and wanted them too. Then you’d never have the stress and worry and dilemma of the right thing, or the easiest, most comfortable. Sometimes its even easier to do the right thing by others rather than yourself.

But then, I suppose its all part of the experience, how it makes you a different person, stronger and better able to deal with the next problem. Well, thats the theory anyway. People have told me that I have lots of stength, and that I appear to be able to cope with anything. I wonder if that’s the case, or if that’s just the image I have successfully presented to the world. I suppose only time will tell. If there’s anyone reading (even if it doesn’t make lots of sense), send up a thought for strength, for anyone facing difficult times. Unfortunately there are too many that I know of at the moment, aside from me.

Good night and God bless xxx

I thought it was time for a slightly more upbeat-sounding blog, in case everyone decides I’m just a grumpy northerner with nothing positive to say!

Well, I do have good news, in one aspect at least. The net is now working at home- I’m blogging from the ‘comfort’ of my own home (well, not my own, but more mine than the library!) with tea, music and candles! It may be a small achievement, but, as Tesco put it, every little helps! The rest is still as it was, though I’m working on the landlord (for this read moaning at him lots!!!) about the shower and hopefully will wear him down eventually! Positive thoughts this way please!

The computer modelling is a different story. The bad news is that I’ve had no flash of inspiration, no angels appearing with helpfull hints, and so am still none the wiser. Which is worrying given that the deadline is Friday. However, the good news (such as it is) is that no one else has a clue about it either. After having sent umpteen emails to lecturer concerned, and got nowhere, we went to the course supervisor, who’s going to ’sort it out’, whatever that means. Hmm. By this point we all decided to forget about anything related to computer modelling for the weekend at least, and get on with other stuff. Which I have happily done!

There, it’s not all bad news. I’m working on a new attempt to be positive, as much as possible. After several conversations about this with certain people, I know that I can do this, it’s not beyond my capabilities and strength to deal with. I’ve dealt with worse, and got through it. I don’t know where it’s from, but the bit about God never giving you more to deal with than you can manage always springs to mind at times like these. Although I sometimes worry He has rather high expectations of what I can cope with. Hmm.

The course has well and truly begun, complete with 3 assignments so far, two of which I even think I can do! Don’t ask about the third unless you know anything about computer modelling. In fact, don’t ask, it’s probably best that way!

The timetable is, quite frankly, stupid, however, and changes weekly, giving me no regular routine to speak of, which I didn’t realise I depended on quite so much till now. Hmm. I thought I was still supposed to be young and free, and undeterred by such things as irregularity. Ah well, as I (and a couple of friends) realised this week, I seem to be older than my years in some ways. I mean, hill walking, radio 2 and folk music- listening, and enjoying being with friends or watching a decent film on a Saturday night rather than going out and spending large amounts of money to come back with sore feet and no memory of the evening! Sound like a typical student? Erm, possibly not. Tee hee. I guess I’ve always enjoyed not being one of the crowd though!

I seem to have gone rather off the subject of this post. Well, it was more interesting than the (dis)organisation of the course and general moaning about flat/housemate/stupid ntl issues. And usefull to get me off the subject occaisionally, or people will stop reading this altogether. If anyone does anyway. Um. Bye.

OK, so it has been a while since I’ve been around. Apologies. I had expected to have my internet connection up and running by now, and so was holding off updating till then. However, though the friendly ntl men came and installed my broadband, the result of too many people trying to install simultaneously means that none are actually working

Not much has changed in the world of me. Lectures have begun again, properly, and the work is beginning to accumulate. The house is feeling more like home, though I am still on the war path as far as the landlord is concerned! Matress has been replaced, but the shower is still ‘interesting’. A visit to the Wales national swimming pool yesterday had the added advantage of nice showers (as well as an exercise opportunity!). I’m sure there are other things I could say, simply because there have been occaisions when I’ve thought ‘I must blog that’, but what exactly they were escapes me. Maybe they’ll filter out of my brain eventually. Please be patient.