Yes, I said I’d come back to this. Jack has tagged me, so I can’t very well not respond, can I??

1.Total number of movies I own on DVD/Video:
Hmm. Not very many. And mainly videos, since I don’t have a dvd machine of my own. Despite this I do have a copy of Love Actually on dvd..

Sound of Music
The Full Monty (hehe, v funny)
Bridget Jones (the original!)
Notting Hill
Fantasia
About a Boy
Have my mum’s copy of Pride and Prejudice too- though I think she wants it back!)

I notice my video collection is a little chick-flick dominated- probably since these ones don’t really lose lots in the re-watching!!

2. Last movie I bought:
Ooh, now there’s a question. I think it was Love Actually, that a friend discovered v cheap somewhere!

3. Last movie I watched:
The Interpreter, in the cinema (vg). When Harry met Sally, last night on video.

4. Five movies that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):
The Sound of Music- cos it reminds me of my Mum who knows it off by heart after seeing it a gazillion times when working as an usher in the cinema when she was younger! And for the music too I guess.
Brassed Off- not only does it have an amazing soundtrack (brass band music, always fab!), but its really well observed and manages to be both gritty and touching, with a good dose of Northern humour to boot!
Bridget Jones- one of (if not my favourite) girl film, I kind of identify with Bridget on a number of levels, and it has just the right amount of soppy and funny. Oh yes, and Colin Firth…
The Full Monty- fantastic, good (un)clean fun! Never fails to amuse, no matter how many times I watch it.
Pride and Predjudice- though I’m not sure I’d count this as a movie, but I’m running out of ideas… I tend to identify with and aspire to the personality of Lizzy; a strong female character, who says what she thinks depsite peoples disapproval, and doesn’t compromise who she is simply for the sake of fitting in, or getting a good husband!

5. Tag three people:
Hmm. Excited Rainbow Girl and, to send this outside the wibsite a little, Rachel and Pippa

I know I’ve been tagged, but this had to come first, and gives me time to think about the other. This is for a friend of mine who has things on their mind right now. When I was thinking and praying about this last night, this came to mind, only its taken me a while to find it. When I’m feeling lost, alone, uncertain, worried, or anything similar (or all of the above) this sometimes helps (if you forget the slightly new year type message). My thoughts and prayers are with you and those you love. God bless.

I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, “Give me a light that I might go safely out into the darkness.” And he replied, “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be more to you than a light, and safer than a known way.”

This weekend I joined in the music group at my home church as I often do, and one of the songs we did was one I had been looking for to use in a bible study group in Swansea. I had no idea where it was from, only that I knew the first line. And, as coincidence would have it, it was used in a churches together ‘cafe-style’ service at home. Worship was informal and included discussion, meditation and tea and biscuits!! But, even in this relaxed setting, when we sang this song, I could feel a change in that room, as people really connected, and the words they sang were meaningful, not just another hymn to get through. The first verse really got through to me.

In Christ alone my heart is found
He is my light my strength my song
this cornerstone, this solid ground
firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand

So, now that the exams are out of the way, it’s on to the project. After my trip on Thursday (gosh, was that only yesterday?) things are a little more clear, although some things have changed.

So, one of the possibilites for the project based at Whitford burrows was a comparison with those at Oxwich, another Gower nature reserve. However, this was discussed with the site manager, who suggested it would be useful for him if the whole site was mapped! And apparently this would be useful for CCW also, since it would help with targetting management for the future. So, after talking about this, we decided this was do-able.

Sand dunes form in a succession, from young, unstable areas with a few plants, to old, fixed stable dunes where there is little bare sand. Particular stages of this succession are important, and most are represented in the system at Oxwich. So, I would aim to identify each of these stages, and map the occurrence of each over the site. This is good for me, since I will have an interesting project which is in line with future career plans (yes, one day I will get a proper job!), and for the site manager and CCW, who will have a record of the occurence of important successional stages.

We chatted lots about what I was looking for from the project, and what I wanted to do afterwards, and how this type of thing was a big part of her job now! And I thought, how amazing, if someone would actually pay me to do this! This is it, the start of things. This is why I did this masters, and put up with all the hassle. So that one day, I will have that job that I’ve always wanted. I’ve no idea what it is yet, but it will be something that I enjoy, that makes me happy, and thats all I can ask.

Yes, I’m getting a little ahead of myself, but hey, I’m allowed now and again. I’m a very happy folkie indeed tonight!!!

Great news, I’ve passed the first half of my Masters!!! I don’t have actual results yet (as before, I have to email the coordinator about the marks), but I have passed part one and am therefore allowed to proceed to part two!

The course is split into part one, which is the taught bit, with lectures, coursework and exams, which I’ve been doing so far, and part two, which is the project (which is getting there slowly). Now I know that I can get on with the project bit, and don’t have to worry about resits or anything nasty. And no more exams!!!! As you can probably tell, I’m just a little excited at the moment (though I don’t think I can rival ERG even now!). I shall probably calm down eventually, but right now, I’m quite happy being excited!

I’m off to visit Whitford tomorrow (if you’re confused, see earlier posts about project stuff), and then I’m off home to Manc for a few days to visit the parents. Meanwhile, I’m enjoying the sunshine in Swansea (yes, its sunny here, doesn’t happen very often!) and trying to stop myself grinning!

Ok, prepare yourself for the ramblings of this folkie…

Tonight I went to see Closer with some friends. Now, if you haven’t seen the film, and are planning to, be warned, I may give away plot lines etc, but don’t be put off, it is a good film, honest.

Anyway, this was a film about love (uh oh, here we go). Well, about a group of four people, who fall in and out of love with each other several times (fairly realistic I would say) and can’t make up their minds who they want to be with (even more realistic!). So, instead, they hurt, cheat on, and lie to the people they claim to love (is this realistic? Probably). This is the sort of film that people either complain about because its depresssing, or hail as genius because its more realistic than most ‘romantic’ films which finish with a happily ever after.

I have to say, I’m more on the side of the second. Life generally, and certainly love, isn’t all neatly finished happy endings. It’s messy, people cheat, people get hurt and hurt others, and in the end you make the best of it like you do with everything else. While I like a good romance as much as the next girl, I still feel better coming away from a film like this, because I don’t come away thinking ‘why doesn’t my life match up to that?’, like I do with so many ‘happy’ films. Not because I’m not happy, don’t take this the wrong way. Anyway. Where was I..

Oh yes, I liked this film because it was more real than most, it didn’t cover over the cracks and the bumps, which was good. But (there had to be one), I also don’t like this realism. Why? Because that means this is real, this is how things are, what we have to expect, from life, from love, from other people. Lying, betrayal. If that’s reality, I’m worried. For people in general, for myself specifically. This is where the real romantic in me comes out. I’m not someone who considers flowers and expensive gifts to be important (though it is nice sometimes!!). What is important is honesty. Love is about sharing everything with someone, telling them everything, not having things you want to keep from them. It’s about not wanting to hurt them or see them hurt. So many times in this (and other) films, people said ‘I love you’ as a reason, and excuse, a way of ‘getting back in the good books’, when they had lied/cheated etc. And I found myself thinking ‘No, you don’t’. Because love wouldn’t do that. If you really loved that person, you wouldn’t do that to them. Or maybe I’m mistaken. Maybe, in an ideal world, but not in this one. And that’s why I worry about things, about us. If that is what love means, coming back after you’ve caused the pain, then we’re in a bad way.

But then, I’m not sure I’m qualified to comment, based on very little experience myself. And also, I have experience of people for whom it isn’t like that, which gives me hope.

Apologies for the long and rambling-ness of this post, I have a feeling this is something which gets me going somewhat. Particularly at the moment. But I feel better having written it down. Thank you.

Today we had a meeting with the external examiner for our course. After all we’ve been through over the last few months, I’m not sure he was prepared for us..

We tried to stay calm, and avoid personal name-calling (oh so hard..), and did quite well I think. There are a few of us who are more vocal about these things than others (me included! I was not-quite helpfully reminded of my outspokenness yesterday, and must evidently try to not talk so much) but in this case I didn’t care, this was months of built-up frustration at not being listened to, being patronised and messed around, and it needed to get out. And boy, did it feel good!

The worrying thing was that many of the problems we voiced were not new, they had been mentioned last year also, and some the year before. Which means that these reports which are supposed to oversee and improve the courses are not being listened to. Many basic problems, which would have made a huge difference to our experience of this course could have been solved before we started if action had been taken based on previous students thoughts. This really annoyed me, that we went through all that, for no reason, and that it is likely that those students currently working hard for exams to get onto this course could experience the same next year. The positive side of this was that the external examiner was more sympathetic to our cause, and may be more forcefull in instigating changes. If any of what we said makes it easier for next years students, it has to be good.

http://www.makepovertyhistory.org

Firstly, a huge well done to ERG (if you’ll forgive the abbreviation!) for keeping quiet for a whole 24 hours in support of Christian Aid. An awful lot harder than it seems, showing that we rely on our voices for so many things, down to saying thank you to people on buses!!! I’ve been asked to confirm her silence, so there you go, she did it. Well done!

Secondly, this weekend brings change as a good friend of mine leaves Swansea (albeit temporarily) for a placement in Aberystwyth. Best of luck Becky! Though this is only a short term thing, and no doubt she’ll be back before we know it, it brought home to me how much life here is going to change in the next month or so. All too soon, a number of close friends will finish their courses and move on, whether back home to parents houses for a while, or to other courses and placements. I have always known that this would happen at some point, but the reality is now beginning to hit home. These are people who, for the last four years have been round the corner, where I could pop round for a cup of tea or a chat whenever I wanted, and will now be far away, and visits must be planned. I suppose what scares me is that this is the time which will determine whether we will keep in touch or not. It is possible to be just as good friends even when living apart, but I hate the thought of us all gradually losing touch, always meaning to ring/email/write etc, but never quite getting round to it.

So, let me say now, to all of you who are leaving (and those staying too!), who’ve been around for the last few years, you mean the world to me. I will do everything I can not to lose you as the years go by. I’ve made some of my closest friends in Swansea, who I feel I can be totally myself with, and that means so much. Thank you. As I was struggling with these and other things which are changing this week, and how things will never be the same again, a wise friend pointed out that though they are not the same as they were, they are as they are now, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Here’s to change, and to dealing with it. To moving on, and the next stage of the journey. But most of all, to friends, who make the journey easier just by being part of it.

On Tuesday evening I was sitting at Caswell bay after a night walk from Three Cliffs with the Hiking Club. I wandered away from the group, who were happily charring sausages on a BBQ, and headed down towards the sea, remembering a thought I had about a year ago, which I wanted to share. I couldn’t blog it at the time, but I think Alice blogged on my behalf. I hope she will forgive me for repeating.

One of the things I love about Swansea is the sea. I miss it when I’m away. By my third year in Swansea I had developed a habit of going to see the sea as soon as I could when I came back. Last year, after a few weeks away, I went down to the sea one evening, and looking out into the darkness, this came to me.

The sea, stretching out into the distance, felt like how I imagine God to be. The huge vastness, of the ocean never fails to amaze me, and make me feel small. I am always in awe of the great power of this apparently never-ending expanse of water, which shapes rocks, creates and removes land masses, and could destroy human and animal life in a second. However, at the same time, the ocean is a symbol of calm. It is here that I go when I feel down, when troubles are overwhelming, my refuge from the world. It is constant, reliable, never-changing. No matter what, I can always go to it when I need to.

A great and powerful force which can create and destroy just as easily, but also a refuge when life is hard, an ever-present resting place, which never changes, no matter what we do. I am growing used to the presence of the sea, but every now and then, I remember it is there, and go and visit it, and I am rewarded with the calming feeling I always find. It is, I hope, this way with God also. I must remember to pay him a visit too.

No, I hope it doesn’t refer to my post this time!

Yesterday I indulged the rambler in me by heading off to the Brecon Beacons national park, for a walk with the Hiking Club. I haven’t been out with them (or out in the hills at all) for far too long; the downside of trying to combine a university course and wanting to go to church with a need to be outdoors!

Anyway, this was the longest walk of the year, with a fair amount of climbing involved, more than I’d done for a long time, and about half way up the first climb I found myself (and my legs!!!), as always, asking ‘why is it I do this again?’. That point just before your muscles have warmed up and there is lots of hill left is the main hurdle. You think, ‘This hurts, why do I subject myself to this, when I could be at home with a cup of tea?’ If you can get past that, you’re there. And then, when you get to within striking distance of the top (or what you hope is the top..) you find another energy reserve from somewhere, and you push on. That point, just when you realise it’s within reach, and you can imagine standing on the summit, and look down, that’s the reason, that’s why I do it, that feeling of achievement, of having pushed myself. I’m up there, high above the world, seeing it from a different perspective, and I’m happy. That’s one of the best feelings I know.

Before I start, I look up at the path curving away in the distance, and think, ‘I’m going to climb that, and see the top of that mountain’. That’s the urge that overwhelms the uncertainty that says I’ll never make it, and propels me upwards.

If I make it to heaven, I like to think that that will be it- the summit of a mountain, with views all around and friends to share it with.