I have a quote written down somewhere that I heard from a friend. I have no idea where it came from, or who said it.

“If you do not allow yourself hope, it cannot be crushed,
but without hope, life cannot be worth living.”

Now, I’m not sure. Which is better, to let yourself hope that things might change for the better, that situations, people, the world, can change, or to just accept that some things never will.

Sometimes I allow myself to hope they will, but usually I don’t notice I have done until I’m proved wrong. I probably should give up and just accept some things as they are. But I can’t. You see, under it all, I’m a hopeful person, I can’t help it. I believe things can, and will turn out for the best. That’s the thing about hope, once you have it, you just can’t shake it off!

Ok, so I said there were a few things I wanted to share. This is a song which could quite possibly be my theme song, if I were to have one (though I have slight objections to the fourth verse- if that were me I’d have gone with him!). I’ve lost count of the times I’ve sung it, and it has many memories attached to it, but I hadn’t heard it for ages till I heard it on a friends computer recently.

Ewan McColl was born in Salford and lived most of his life in the north of England, being particularly fond of the hills of the Peak District – his ashes were scattered over Bleaklow after his death in 1989. The Manchester Rambler was written in the early 1930’s for a protest march over Kinder Scout, but still has relevance today for anyone who has ever enjoyed the freedom of the open moors.

I’m a rambler, I’m a rambler from Manchester way
I get all my pleasure the hard moorland way
I may be a wage slave on Monday
But I am a free man on Sunday

I’ve been over Snowdon, I’ve slept upon Crowden
I’ve camped by the Wain Stones as well
I’ve sunbathed on Kinder, been burnt to a cinder
And many a tale I could tell
My rucksack has oft been my pillow
The heather has oft been my bed
And sooner than part from the mountains
I think I would rather be dead

The day was just ending as I was descending
By Grindsbrook, just by Upper Tor
When a voice cried, Eh you, in the way keepers do
He’d the worst face that ever I saw
The things that he said were unpleasant
In the teeth of his fury I said
Sooner than part from the mountains
I think I would rather be dead

He called me a louse and said, Think of the grouse
Well I thought but I just couldn’t see
Why old Kinder Scout and the moors round about
Couldn’t take both the poor grouse and me
He said, All this land is my master’s
At that I stood shaking my head
No man has the right to all mountains
Any more than the deep ocean bed

I once loved a maid, a spot-welder by trade
She was fair as the rowan in bloom
And the blue of her eye matched the June moorland sky
And I loved her from April to June
On the day that we should have been married
I went for a ramble instead
For sooner than part from the mountains
I think I would rather be dead

So I walk where I will over mountain and hill
And I lie where the bracken is deep
I belong to the mountains, the clear-running fountains
Where the grey rocks rise rugged and steep
I’ve seen the white hare in the gulley
And the curlew fly high over head
And sooner than part from the mountains
I think I would rather be dead

Ewan McColl

There are so many things I want to post right now, lots of things happening, links to other posts I’ve found that inspired/made me laugh, and several song lyrics going round in my head that I wanted to share. Ah well, maybe I’ll do one every now and then for the next week or so, instead of boring you all with my latest thesis exploits, which to be honest, aren’t that interesting, but it helps to rant every now and then.

Talking of which, I’m aware I haven’t really updated since last weeks drama. Well, in the end, after a lot of hassle (trying to get a straight answer out of anyone in my department- blood and stones come to mind..) I managed to find out that I don’t really need an extension, apparently the course runs for two years (and I’ve just finished the first) so I have ages, if I want it. But I don’t. I want to finish this thing (although I’m still loving it) and get my results, so I can officially have my degree, and then work on the getting a job thing. Hmm, may take a while, which is why I want to get started asap.

So, for the next few weeks, posts may be mainly random other stuff, with the odd update on the writing up.

Oh, and in other news, the dates of the holiday have now been changed. For no apparent reason, they decided we couldn’t fly out when we were going to (obviously having booked tickets makes no difference) so we’re going 2 days earlier now. Oh the madness!!!

Ok, so on the work side of things, nothing has gone specifically wrong recently (which makes a nice change!). I had a productive day at Oxwich yesterday, and managed to get through everything on my list I also stumbled across some of the estate workers with a crowd of BTCV volunteers clearing the scrub from one of the dune slacks. This is all very well, and will probably be one of the eventual recommendations of my project in terms of management. But at the time I was trying to photograph the area to show the scrub development, and half of it was gone!!! And now my mapping category is outdated even before I’ve finished the project! Which is quite and achievement I must say. It’s more amusing than anything else, and at the same time I was able to pin down one of the guys about some questions I needed answering, and he said they’d be glad to have my help there when I’m finished, especically since I know the site so well now! So all in all a good day.

Then I got home. And was supposed to be able to move (within the same house this time, so not quite so much upheaval), which I was looking forward to, given that a certain amount of my furniture had been half-inched the day before (which I was expecting, and was entirely legitimate) and my things were in a heap in the middle of the room. However, due to the incompetencies of letting agencies, the person who was supposed to be moving out couldn’t, so I couldn’t move either. And everything stopped. So things are (or maybe were, I’ll see when I get home) more than a little crazy there right now.

It’s no one’s fault, these things just happen. But I’m all over the place with the work now. I’ve been to see the appropriate people about extending the deadline- extenuating circumstances and all- and that seems to be ok, have to wait for a response. The deadline of end of October would be fine were it not for the fact that I thought it was the end of September till a week ago, and so planned a holiday with the parents accordingly (we’re going to Canada for 2 1/2 weeks from 11th to 27th October, so in fact I only have an extra week or so, and could do with that extra month when I get back. I’ll see what happens. Technically, there’s a second deadline which is January, and we can’t be peanalised for handing in any time before then. I don’t think it’s going to be that simple. Ho hum. What with all the stuff that happened about this time before I finished my degree, I’m starting to wonder what it’s like to be facing important deadlines without extra hassles to make it harder!

Anyway, regardless of deadlines, extensions and anything else, I have to go now- or I’ll never get it done. Any spare prayers sent this way gratefully recieved.

To complete yesterday’s saga, I eventually got into the right computer lab, but it didn’t work there either. After messing around with it for a while I gave up and went home, satisfied that I had done practically nothing of any use all day. Hmm.

Anyway, today is another day, and by all accounts is an improvement on the last one. I managed to do more work before lunch today than I did all day yesterday (not particularly surprising, but still a good thing). I have a copy of the old version of the programme I was trying to use yesterday from my supervisor, which he lent me to put on my own PC. And…(whispers) it’s working!!!. For now.

Aside from the work the other confusion in my head continues, and just as I think I might be making progress, something happens which turns it all round. I think I took a few steps back yesterday, but no matter, everything happens for a reason, and I trust that if things are meant to, they will work out.

For the moment, my mood is better than yesterday, reasonably positive and determined to get this done!

Grr, I think this is going to be one of those days. After having lost a day this week already to being horribly ill (I did get to sit in bed all day, but that’s not something I’m very good at, especially when it adds to the stress of an already intense workload!), I appear to be destined to get nothing done today either.

After being really good and gettin up early, I was in the library this morning by 9.45 (aimed for 9.30, almost made it!) with my packed lunch made (bank account telling me I musn’t always buy lunch on campus!) and ready for a full day’s work. Hmm. Well, the plan was to check email etc in the main library till 10.00 (ish) when the Biology computer lab is open (across campus), which is where I need to be to access the computer programme I need for my analysis. While checking things I decided to have a look over some photos I’d scanned in (photos for the project, may I add- definately work-related), only to find they’d dissappeared. The computer had no record of them ever existing! I spent about 2 hrs scanning them in and getting them straight/not too dark/ the right way up! The scanner made me save them in some random location, and now they’ve been lost in some library upgrade or other!!! Annoyed? Doesn’t even cover it!!!!! Argh.

Anyway, I thought, nothing I can do about it, best not waste time worrying, so I head over to the biosci lab. I get there about 10.30, and it’s still locked!!! At 10.30! Half an hour after it’s supposed to be open! It’s supposed to be open 10-5. No notice saying otherwise, and no porters around to moan at. Or to open it. The programme that I need to do my data analysis is not on any of the computers in the main library, and the comp lab is shut, and it shouldn’t be! So here I am, back in the library, ranting at a computer screen while I try to figure out what I can do instead.

Sometimes when things like this happen I’m tempted to give up and just go shopping! I mean, I’m not sure I’m gonna get a whole lot more work done here!!!

Update: I’m in, not to the main computer lab, but the small, dark MSC lab downstairs. On the positive side the computers here aren’t as slow as they used to be- even they’ve been updated! And they have the computer package I want to use. The down side is that the one thing I want to do in this programme won’t work, and I’ve no idea why. Every other random statistical test works fine, just not this one. Argh. I’m really starting to lose patience with today…

Well, I’ve been reading everyone else’s posts about the weekend at GB, and I don’t (well, I could, but shouldn’t) have time to go into detail about the whole thing. I’m supposed to be working you know?! And internet access isn’t as regular as it has been (I need to get round to sorting it out at home, but for the moment, it’s quite helpful not being hooked up- reduces distractions!) with the library on stupidly short opening hours (bah! it’s only the postgrads here in the summer, who cares?!) I’ve been trying to keep my time here on more important matters.

Anyway, despite this, I thought I couldn’t not say anything, but I promise, I’ll be good, and get back to the work in a moment…

So, yes, greenbelt. I understand now why people have been trying to get me to go for so long. I enjoyed every bit of it. I didn’t see or hear everything I would have liked to, but I knew before going this was inevitable, and resolved not to be dissappointed about it. I went to a few interesting talks, heard some new music, and learnt a lot more about Dr Who than I thought I would! Perhaps the best bit was meeting people. I met people I’d known for years (the next generation of ‘young people’ from my home church were there with leaders), people I’d only ever met once before (apologies for saying hello to random people- I hope I didn’t scare anyone too much!) and some who I’d never met, but felt like I knew very well already (hmm, can you guess who?!) Some I met intentionally, and some just by good luck and happening to be in the same place at the same time! Hopefully it won’t be too long till we meet again, but if nothing else there’s always next year!?!?

Anyway, that’s all. I may post some GB inspired thoughts when things have calmed down a little. Right, back to work…