This job hunting malarky involves quite a bit of decision-making- which jobs to apply for being the most obvious, and then things like what to include on the form, who to choose as references etc etc. After all this, I wonder if I can include it as a skill on the next application?!

But a decision I never thought I’d be making was whether or not to take up the offer of an interview. I wonder (and might always do) whether I’ve made the right decision in turning this one down. For starters it was very last minute, and then it turned out to not really be what I’m looking for. In the space of a few hours I’ve gone through every emotion and state of decision about it, but all the time with an underlying sense of it not really being right. The job was a long way away somewhere I know no-one, wasn’t very appropriate and it was going to take a lot to get to the interview. Adding the difficulties of getting there to whether or not I wanted the job at all meant I wasn’t feeling particularly enthused.

But there’s still this small voice inside me saying ‘you say you want a job but you’ve just turned down the opportunity for one’. I don’t know whether its the right thing or not, I just have to hope so. And keep going with the next form. I’ll get there one day, I’m sure.

At this time of year, there’s always someone moaning about Christmas being taken over as a commercial event, more to do with how many presents you can buy than the reason you buy them. And not only that, it seems to start earlier and earlier each year, the decorations go up sooner. Though the point of buying a real christmas tree at the start of december escapes me..

So amid all this preparation, the church sits smugly saying we’ve got our own separate season of preparation, untainted by all this commercial rubbish. Hmm. But is it separate? Or do we immediately switch to Christmas mode at the beginnng of December. No sooner is it advent than we’re planning and preparing carol services, rehearsing nativity plays, ordering traidcraft Christmas cards and singing hymns which talk about christmas day.

All this talk of preparation, and the natural tendancy to think about new beginnings around the end of the year, has got me thinking. Dangerous I know. I recently made a big decision, took a step into the unknown, and went to the preachers meeting to ask for a note to preach. To the non methodists out there, this is the first step on beginning the Local Preachers training course, which is the way lay preachers are trained in methodism. The course is varied, challenging (for which read very difficult and hardgoing at times) and stretches over a number of years. My excuse for about the last year is that my future is too uncertain. But I realised thats all it was, an excuse, so I’m going ahead anyway. I’m excited, confused, unsure and downright terrified, probably in equal measure. But who said these things are meant to be easy?

So this advent, I hope I’ll be able to separate this period of preparation from the build up to the day itself. And I hope I’ll be able to prepare myself for this most important of responsibilities, for which I don’t think I’ll ever be completely ready, and I trust I will be given the strength I need. With my faults and failings, my doubts and fears, I am ready to try. Here I am, send me.