On Saturday night a small group of us gathered in Sketty Methodist church to hold vigil through the night, something which has become a tradition in the church, and an event I value greatly for the fellowship and communion which it brings. This year will possibly be the last one I attend, and therefore was also special for this reason.

For the last couple of years I’ve contributed by preparing one of the prayer times which we hold at intervals during the night. Richard has been kind enough to blog the liturgy I wrote for the midnight slot this year. The idea is based around walking into the darkness of the night, knowing what it will bring, looking beyond it to the light, but also accepting that the darkness has a part to play.

Jesus knew what was waiting for him when he went into the city that day, he knew it would bring pain and suffering to himself and others. But yet he went, accepting the struggles he would face, and knowing that when they came to an end, they would bring new life for all.

Ok, so its been a while, and I’ve been not very good about the positivity in a public blogging sense. The positive things which happened, which at the time I didn’t want to blog about, were in the shape of interviews. But I wasn’t really wanting to make any of this public.

However, I now have actual positive news, in that I got a job! The first interview, which was for a proper real job, the kind that I want, I got it. A job, a real permanent one. Its ecology, using the skills I have, and its paid. I spent a good 20 mins fairly speechless (which I think Chris found fairly amusing) when I got a letter in the post Saturday morning, having had no phone call or anything else. I think its still only just sinking in. But its real.

Its just not *quite* near home. In fact I have to move all the way to England. Which is Scary. With a capital S. I have a home here, its not just where I came to uni, its home. My friends are here, which is easy to say but so much harder to describe, and to replace. This is where my church family is, who have supported me in the various stages of my ‘calling’ to preach. The people and the friendships I have here will be impossible to replace, even in time. I really believe this is a special place, and I know this even more as I prepare to leave. There’s something about this ugly lovely city, and it will always hold a special place in my heart.

But now I have to force myself to take those steps towards leaving. I’ve been ringing estate agents, trying to find suitable flats I can afford, trying to to this from a distance, knowing I’ve got one day to see as many places as I can there. Then I have to think about buying cars, learning my way around a new place, getting used to a new job, and hoping I can do it. And so on and so on. And doing all this on my own. I wish it was both of us, but thats not possible just yet. Even though there are many people helping out, and offering to do so, I still have to do all this myself. And I will, I just need to remember that, and remember that I can. Maybe this is an exercise in positivity in itself, even though it seems like the best thing to have happened in a long time.

Overall, this is a good thing. Its what I’ve been waiting for, its a step in the right direction, its good timing in terms of all the rubbish stuff at work. Its just going to take some time to work out the details, and when that starts to happen I’ll feel better. Till then, and probably after aswell, prayers appreciated.

For all those facing change and uncertainty, for those separated from the ones they love, for those feeling lonely and disconnected from their surroundings. God who during this holy week knew loneliness and isolation, place your hand upon them.