Today is our minus one wedding anniversary 🙂 One year to go, countdown starts here! I’m feeling quite organised at the moment, and we actually have a big list now to organise all the random thoughts, so we must be ok! But this reminded me about my thoughts about the comments on the last wedding post.
I’ve noticed during these few months, especially as a couple of good friends are also planning weddings, how much opinion varies about all sorts of things, and also the way in which this can lead to so many wonderfully varied ideas which make every wedding unique. And I’m not just saying that and meaning ‘well of course you could do that but my way is better’. What I like about the whole process is the way each couple creates something different. This is just our way of doing that, and I love seeing and hearing about the different ways others have and will do the same. A big thing for us has been walking the line between embracing tradition and abandoning it. And a wedding has so many ‘traditions’ associated with it which we don’t want to just accept unquestioningly, but then some we like and want to keep.
We knew that we wanted the day to reflect us and the things which are important to us, which brought us to two things. Our faith- a huge part of our lives and something we share. We knew we wanted to make this commitment with not only our families but also with God, and in the church of which we are both members. The nature and style of the service is also important, that it be not just a marriage ceremony but an act of worship, with hymns and readings carefully chosen. Secondly, and harder to describe, our firm belief that we come to the marriage as equal partners (sometimes referred to as the scary feminist streak!), which challenges many of the ‘traditions’ linked with weddings, and also challenges many thoughts and assumptions!
Some things we have decided have been easy. That we didn’t want just the men (father of the bride, best man and groom) making speeches , and so asked the mother of the groom and a bridesmaid to counterbalance (this may be a decision we live to regret ;))! That we didn’t want me to be ‘given away’ in the normal sense, and so we will both enter the church with our parents, in some way or other, and when asked ‘who gives this woman/man’ both parents answer for each of us, symbolising the support and consent of each set of parents to their child’s marriage.
However, as much as we like the idea of subverting tradition and challenging people’s expectations, there are also things which it does no harm to embrace, and which are important to others. As Miss Lisa said about her ‘handing over’, things which mean a lot to someone who means a lot to you, become important to you also. My Dad would accept my wishes if I said I didn’t want to be walked down the aisle, but I know that will be a moment he would cherish, to be there with his only child, not to give me away to Chris but to be involved in this moment as he has been with so many others. And to be honest, I might need the support getting to the front!
Anthea- I don’t keep a constant record of how many months/weeks/days its been, but I don’t think I shall ever be able to forget the actual date that we got engaged- September 11th. Because Chris is such a hopeless romantic 😉
And Jack, yes winter weddings are fab, I’m glad there are some people who don’t think I’m crackers. And I may be stealing ideas from your flowers..